Friday, October 31, 2008

Right Wing Religious Wackos

Why do they always seem to be most noticable around election time? Did Jesus tell them the
Apocolypse supposed to take place on an election year and they're putting us all on notice?
And why are they all Republican?

Any forum I've been to lately each and every person who is an Obama hater claims to be a
good Christian. They're the first ones to bring up Senator Obama's middle name as if having a
Muslim name means he's a terrorist. They're the ones saying they're afraid to have a black
president because they think "the blacks will take over." They're the ones who are willing to
vote for a ticket that has a woman on it who was blessed against witchcraft! A woman, no less,
who claims to be a good Christian! I have to say though she is the personification of the
people I'm talking about. Not very intelligent, misleading, name caller, double talker and one
who thinks she's in on the joke when, in reality, she IS the joke.

They have no qualms about out and out lying and misquoting news articles. Well I guess since
a lot of them misquote the Bible, misquoting CNN is no biggie.

Why do they claim Senator Obama is evil? What's he done that's evil? He's married with
children. His family adores him. He's a brilliant man who has given back to his community.
He's more of a Christian than his opponent! I understand that not everyone agrees with his
politics but why do Christians go after him on a personal level rather than attacking his
policies? I can only surmise that they don't know his policies so they attack his race and his
name. Unfortunately closed minds don't come with closed mouths.

What happened to love thy neighbor? Let he without sin cast the first stone? Granted, my
Catholic school upbringing may be a bit rusty but from what I remember Jesus taught to love
and let God be the judge.

So the thorny crown asshat goes to you Christians who claim to love God and his son yet aren't
very Christlike.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The "Colorblind"

When someone says, “I am color blind, I just don’t see color when it comes to people”, I want to slap them.

First, you are a fucking liar. We all SEE color, we may not judge someone based upon that color, but you see it, you are aware of it. To deny that someone you know or meet is a different race then you is to ignore part of who they are. Unfortunately in our society it is only the white folk who have the luxury of claiming colorblindness, because every black, asian, native, middle eastern person in this hilarious melting pot of ours knows all too well their color.

Second, look toolhole, to say you are colorblind, or are raising your children colorblind, or have a black friend because you are so damn colorblind, is really saying that you see all people as white. You see all “colored” people as being as good as white. So, you see the color, but you choose to erase it with your Caucasian colored glasses and paint them with the whitey brush. How generous of you.

Asshats of colorblindedness, please stop using terms like colorblind when it comes to race and start just accepting people (or not) for who they are. “Colorblind” implies you are still judging based on color, but are choosing to give the benefit of the doubt. While we’re at it, I better not hear you use the words, “reverse racism” either, or I will have to bitch slap an asshat.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Board Member of My Building

Everyone knows you're cheap. That's why you're always looking for someone else to foot the bill, namely the building. You make trouble for a new building going up next door by filing false claims against them. You fail to realize that these will be our neighbors and it would benefit you to be nice to them instead of being evil. Your pomposity far outweighs your intelligence so maybe you should check yourself.

You may not know it, but the other board members also think you're an asshat. They laugh at the fact that you were the one to push for the redecorating of the building and now you're the first to complain that there's no money left in the building's fund. That's what happens when you go $100k over budget. You don't show up for meetings because you know people are going to call you out on your shit. Everyone laughs because you're intimidated by another board member. I think what intimidates you is that she doesn't take your shit because you're wrong and she's right and she has no qualms about telling you so.

Your ass is as tight as your jaw. That's why you sound like Thurston Howel III, Lovey. You're so nosy that you had to join the community board so you can find out what's going on and dish about it. You're like an old yenta. But that's ok. One day you'll need something and nobody will be willing to help you out. Maybe you should stick to what you know and let professionals handle the rest.

Now go back to your hoarding in your filthy apartment and let everyone else be, Asshat.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The "Drop-Iners"

I hate people who just “drop-in” or just “pop by to say hi” or “stop by to see if the kids could play for a bit”. Ok, no. How about this, when you would like to impose yourself and/or your asshat, rugrat children on my life and day, pick up the damn phone first!

Unless you are family or my very dearest friend, chances are, I don’t want you “popping in”. Some days the house is a wreck, and as an acquaintance, I don’t feel comfortable having you see our daily mess. Some days I am still in pajamas at 4 o’clock and haven’t gotten my chance to shower yet. Some days I have things going on that are none of your business. Some days I just don’t want to entertain you, I want to sit and vegetate on my very comfortable couch, sometimes with no bra on. Every day, the baby takes a nap, the kids have school and I need to get dinner going. I guess your mother never taught you the common courtesy of respecting others and their space.

So, here’s the deal, asshat. Next time you think it would be a good idea to drop by, keep driving, keep walking, and let that clever little notion go. Because, I will not be happy to see you, chances are I will not open the door, and if I do, I may shoot you for trespassing. Okay?


Friday, October 3, 2008

Reborn Doll Mommies

Are you fucking kidding me? Have you seen these dolls? They're creepy to start with and the fact that grown women act as if they're real is just crazy. Something makes me think that the Claymates would go ape for this shit. One woman has over 600 of these dolls! They name them, dress them, put them in car seats and strollers. Some of them take them out with them. THEY TALK TO THEM! At least if they talk to plants, the plants respond. At $1000+ per doll their money would be better spent elsewhere like a charity that helps REAL children. As for wanting to feel a baby in your arms, go to your local hospital and volunteer to be a preemie holder for fuck's sake. I understand if you have a doll collection but to act as if they're real is just an asshat thing to do.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Sarah Palin

Somehow we are supposed to buy that this chick should be the next in line for the keys to the White House when McCain dies in office. As he will. Probably on the terlet with a fricken issue of Guns & Ammo resting on his pasty white thighs. Oh the imagery.

So, what do we know about Sarah Palin? She can kill mooseses with her bare hands. She hates polar bears. She is more fearsome than Chuck Norris. She only wants abstinence taught in our schools. Her 17 year-old daughter is pregnant. She has Tina Fey glasses. She wanted to ban books from the local library. She was mayor of the crystal meth capital of Alaska (which is really saying something, because think about it, Alaska is a depressing and boring place to live. Cooking up a little meth has GOT to be just about the only thing one does for entertainment in Alaska. Besides killing moose and having underage sex I mean.). She can see Russia from her house.

Ok, well, I am convinced, how ‘bout you? Does she subscribe to the Bush Doctrine? She doesn’t know. Does she know what the Vice President does all day? No, not so much. Does she have a clue about foreign policy, the economic crisis the country is facing, national health care, how to fix the public school system? Yeah, no.

Some more things she does know: how to have affairs with her husband’s best friend, how to steal federal money while claiming that she didn’t, she names her kids bizarre things like Track and Trig, she would make her daughter “choose” life even if she was raped, even if she was raped by daddy, Todd (pronounced Taaahhhhddd).

Have you seen the Couric and Gibson interviews? I mean come on people! One thing's for sure though, my Tivo won't be missing a second of the debate tonight. That shit is gonna be hilarious!

This woman is gross. I feel like I am watching a madcap made for TV movie staring Melissa Joan Hart as a woman who wins a contest to become the next Vice President of the United States. I have no explanations for what is going on here.

She is frightening. And not in a good kicking ass and taking names kind of way. But in a kicking ass, waiting for the apocalypse, taking names and sending those names to Gitmo kind of way.

Hell no Sarah, I won’t go. You ma’am are an asshat.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The Trickless Magician

That's what Chris Rock calls David Blaine.

I remember the first time I saw David. I was flipping through the channels and came across a show that was being filmed on a street, in Manhattan, that I recognized. I stopped to see what crazy shit was going on in the East Village. Turns out it was a magic show. I LOVE magic! There was this soft spoken young man doing tricks for a bunch of guys out on the street. Just doing magic. Card tricks primarily. I loved how he was so quiet and unassuming then the next thing you know he's levitating! HOLY SHIT! I'm sure it wasn't the first guy flying down St. Marks place but for sure the first one caught on film.

He had a few other shows that were equally intriguing. In your face tricks. He was he everyman. He travelled the world to show that magic doesn't speak a's fascinating no matter what language you speak. He was so cool and mysterious. I wanted to see more.
Then I see that he's going to be buried alive under 4000 pounds of water, six feet down for a week. What kind of trick is THAT? I saw him do this, via the local news, in NYC. This isn't magic. This is endurance. Or it may be a trick if they switched him out. I don't know. I know I wanted the magic that made him famous not this trickery.

There were other stunts to follow. And I do mean stunts. They were all endurance stunts. Standing on a shelf many feet above the ground, holding his breath, being captive in a giant block of ice. There may be a few others but I stopped keeping track. But this last stunt took the cake.

He was to hang upside down for three days and two nights. Then he was going to do "The Dive of Death" and leap to the ground from six stories up in the air. So he's hanging like a bat and there are reports that people see him taking breaks. TAKING BREAKS? What kind of endurance test is this? Then he does the, drumroll please, DIVE OF DEATH!!!

Wtf is that??? Was that a mistake? Was he supposed to swoop all the way down then fly away astouning onlookers? Was it a fuck up or is it what David Blaine has become? All talk and no action. Some think that it was planned that way, that he had no intention of making the dive but he wanted everyone to think he was going to then he was going to appear to fly away.

He got our attention doing great magic. Now he's become a trickster. He pulled the oldest trick in the book on us..the old bait and switch. He lured us in with his talent as a magician and then switched up to become a snake oil salesman.
I won't be watching anything more that you do David. Sorry but you've become an asshat.