Thursday, January 1, 2009

Asshat of the Year Millennium

Hard to believe another year has come to an end, I for one am ready to see 2008 come to a close and am anxious for a new year and new leadership for America. So, in honor of the end of the year we thought it was appropriate to name an Asshat of the Year. Any guesses as to who the honoree might be?

I got three letters for ya:


I was sitting down today to write my thoughts about the outgoing lame ass duck President who is, and rightfully so, our asshat of the year. And then it struck me! He isn’t just asshat of the year, he is asshat of the millennium because believe it or not, Dubya is the only president we have had this millennium! Somehow that has a lot more weight when put in those terms.

I could write a whole vitriolic diatribe about this toolhole and his douchebaggery, but you know what, it’s like beating a brain damaged child at this point. I mean, what is the point about going on and on about the endless war in Iraq, the war at home on gays and immigrants and an economy that is circling the bowl? So instead of writing about that, I offer you this little slideshow of some of the best (read: worst) bits of the last eight years of America’s shame.

And no send off for Georgie boy would be complete without a few of our favorite quotes by the village idiot himself:

10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

9) "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." --George W. Bush, in parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008

8) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

7) President Bush: "Peter. Are you going to ask that question with shades on?"
Peter Wallsten of the Los Angeles Times: "I can take them off."
Bush: "I'm interested in the shade look, seriously."
Wallsten: "All right, I'll keep it, then."
Bush: "For the viewers, there's no sun."
Wallsten: "I guess it depends on your perspective."
Bush: "Touche.
--an exchange with legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten, to whom Bush later apologized, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

6) "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." --George W. Bush, on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007

5) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

4) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

3) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

In a way, I'm gonna miss the old fucker, because we really did have some good laughs, didn't we? It was like 8 years of following Sarah Palin's twin brother around. On the other hand, it is hard to laugh when our civil liberties have been stripped away, our homes are being foreclosed on, we are losing our jobs and retirement savings and we are on the verge of economic collapse. Eh, I am still gonna laugh at the picture of that dumbass falling off his Segway and when I picture him choking on a pretzel. Good times.

Goodbye Mr. President and fuck you.

Happy New Year!