Thursday, October 2, 2008

Sarah Palin

Somehow we are supposed to buy that this chick should be the next in line for the keys to the White House when McCain dies in office. As he will. Probably on the terlet with a fricken issue of Guns & Ammo resting on his pasty white thighs. Oh the imagery.

So, what do we know about Sarah Palin? She can kill mooseses with her bare hands. She hates polar bears. She is more fearsome than Chuck Norris. She only wants abstinence taught in our schools. Her 17 year-old daughter is pregnant. She has Tina Fey glasses. She wanted to ban books from the local library. She was mayor of the crystal meth capital of Alaska (which is really saying something, because think about it, Alaska is a depressing and boring place to live. Cooking up a little meth has GOT to be just about the only thing one does for entertainment in Alaska. Besides killing moose and having underage sex I mean.). She can see Russia from her house.

Ok, well, I am convinced, how ‘bout you? Does she subscribe to the Bush Doctrine? She doesn’t know. Does she know what the Vice President does all day? No, not so much. Does she have a clue about foreign policy, the economic crisis the country is facing, national health care, how to fix the public school system? Yeah, no.

Some more things she does know: how to have affairs with her husband’s best friend, how to steal federal money while claiming that she didn’t, she names her kids bizarre things like Track and Trig, she would make her daughter “choose” life even if she was raped, even if she was raped by daddy, Todd (pronounced Taaahhhhddd).

Have you seen the Couric and Gibson interviews? I mean come on people! One thing's for sure though, my Tivo won't be missing a second of the debate tonight. That shit is gonna be hilarious!

This woman is gross. I feel like I am watching a madcap made for TV movie staring Melissa Joan Hart as a woman who wins a contest to become the next Vice President of the United States. I have no explanations for what is going on here.

She is frightening. And not in a good kicking ass and taking names kind of way. But in a kicking ass, waiting for the apocalypse, taking names and sending those names to Gitmo kind of way.

Hell no Sarah, I won’t go. You ma’am are an asshat.

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