Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Claymates

Clay Aiken just made my week. Middle-aged fat woman across the country have taken a break from dusting their curio cabinets and bidding on Beanie Babies on eBay, to weep over the shocking news that Clay is…GAY!

Now, I don’t know what it is that appeals to them in the first place about this guy, because he makes my skin crawl, but some of them are taking it very dearly to heart, even going so far as to say that they will no longer be a fan of the comely (I just threw up in my mouth a little) crooner. Here is what his more conservative, and dare I say, fair-weather, fans have to say:

“The Diane Sawyer interview bothered me too. I just pushed it out of my mind. His having Parker with Jaymes pretty much confirmed it for me, so I have slowly been backing away. Now this. I have been a fan from the very beginning and will always admire his voice and quirky personality, but I just can't do this anymore. And I will very much miss, probably as much as Clay, the wonderful and clever chats with those members of this board, and I really mean that. Stupid tears are gunking up my contact lenses.”

“He captured our hearts with his song and then he showed us how to love --
Really love!”

“I am grieving deeply as I will miss that glorious gift of God that is Clay, his voice, his love, his passion. I will miss the fandom. The fun. The comaraderie. I will miss him and I will miss all of you. This tears me apart and pains me greatly. This is one of the most difficult days of my life. I am in deep sorrow that I have to walk away like this now. But I can't stay and live a lie myself, no matter what. No matter how much I love his voice and many things about him. No matter how much I want the experience of being a fan in many ways. I have to do what I believe is right. And no matter how painful that is.
I have given much of the last 5 years to Clay. I have met him 3 times: Book signing, the tour bus and my M&G. I have seen him perform live almost 100 times. I have supported him at other appearances even when he was not singing. I have gone to gala's. I have contributed to UNICEF and the Bubel Aiken Foundation in money and time. I have promoted and defended the man to the hilt in many ways. All choices. My choices. Blessings have been mine the whole time. Though looking back perhaps I gave too much of my life and there has been a down side to my fandom. I have put CLay before God, my husband and my children and friends, often times. But again that was my choice and I believe no good intention, effort, or relationship was a waste. All comes together for the good.”

“I just feel rather silly now having spent the last 5 years drooling over and being fan girly for a singer I thought was straight and now finding out he is gay. It does change my perception of who he is and how I see him. We always called him our boyfriend and that won't be happening anymore. I just am sad, disappointed, and because he is not what I thought he was in terms of his sexuality and how he portrayed himself. He still is a great singer and humanitarian but my "crush" on him is over and that hurts.”

“…my heart is breaking... I have been crying almost from the time I saw it.”

I find it completely heinous that so many of these woman who admit to ignoring their husbands and children in favor of living life as a devout Claymate would be so quick to condemn him. And you know what, good for him. He runs the risk of alienating his fans and plunging the country into further economic crisis as the Claymates forgo their weekly Twinkie rations from the Walmart in the hopes of missing his People magazine cover. How can you fault him for wanting to raise his son to be an honest person who is allowed to be happy, no matter who he turns out to be? Gay is okay ladies, even Liberace was gay. Ooops! I think I may have spilled another can of beans.

I think it boils down to their shame at having masturbated to his pictures and their fantasy that he was going to come to their trailer and sweep them off their Crocs and outta their Hanes Her Way XXL panties.

Seriously ladies, the Hamburger Helper is burning, your Precious Moments figurines are feeling neglected and People’s Court is coming on the tellyvision. So dry your tears, step away from the computer, and get back to the reality that is your miserable life. Jesus may love you, but I know you’re an asshat.

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